Nicknaming a sneaker nowadays is commonplace. It helps tell a story and identify the product, but that doesn’t mean there haven’t been some head-scratchers along the way. Whether its colorways that don’t equate to the look of the sneaker or back stories that you’re just unfamiliar with, there are certainly more fitting nicknames which could be applied for just about all of these selections. After taking a look at our list, please let us know in the comments section below which sneaker nicknames out there you think are questionable that leave you shaking your head.
Nike Air Foamposite Pro "Dr. Doom"
First and foremost, the “Dr. Doom” Foams are awesome. The subtle black/white colorway is right up our alley and we get why they’re one of the most popular Foams on the market today. But, these kicks were designed as part of 2006’s Fantastic Four Pack and wasn’t Dr. Doom’s costume green?
Look, we get it: black + red = bred. It does technically makes sense. But, come on; are we really that lazy nowadays? Just try saying that out loud and not sounding stupid. Perhaps this one works better on paper (or Twitter) than it does in practice.
BAIT x Asics Gel Saga "Phantom Lagoons"
This Gel Saga collab from Cali retailer BAIT was a dope trainer and a very popular pickup. But, we just don’t get the nickname at all based upon the color scheme. Seems our intuition wasn’t that far off as BAIT CEO Eric Cheng admitted that there wasn’t a real inspiration behind the name “Phantom Lagoons,” but rather a way to “accredit a story to something that didn’t exist. The Phantom Lagoons (aside from the Netherlands) is that Freudian spot in the mind where ideas dwell.”
Nike SB Dunk High "Send Help"
These 2006 SBs were designed by Consolidated Skateboard’s Todd Bratrud. And, while they’re pretty dope, what catches your eye is undoubtedly that bright Tiffany blue. So, with the nickname “Send Help,” what exactly are we supposed to need help for?
Air Jordan V "Dark Army"
Use your imagination for a second to detach the Air Jordan moniker from this sneaker. When you hear the nickname “Dark Army,” what images are conjured up? Sure, we understand that the actual color that JB used for the shoe is called Dark Army…but this nickname doesn’t make as much sense. Should a shoe named “Dark Army” actually be, you know, dark? And, perhaps not covered in white patent leather?
New Balance 574 "Shogun"
When you hear the nickname “Shogun” for a pair of kicks, the mind likely conjures up some sort of red or gold colorway. Something that harkens back to, you know, actual shoguns. But, what it doesn’t remind us of is a random Japanese floral print. How ’bout you?
LeBron 9 Low "LeBronold Palmer"
Yes, the Nike LeBron 9 Low “LeBronold Palmer” is crazy dope, and we really, really wish they actually released. But, remind us again, what exactly does it have to do with the legendary golfer? Or even the delicious iced tea lemonade drink bearing his name? Doesn’t matter, still want.
Nike Air Foamposite Pro "Spider-Man"
Through all the hits and misses, Nike continues dropping all kinds of colorways on the legendary Foamposite silo. But to be honest, we never really got these “Spider-Man” Foams. Sure, Spidey’s costume is red and blue. But, the colors on these Foams aren’t even really close to the infamous webslinger.
Nike SB Dunk Low "Barf"
If you’re picturing a sneaker with the nickname “Barf,” what color are you thinking of? Brown? Yellow? Green? Well, if you were the designer of these ’03 SBs, apparently you thought navy, outdoor green and light chocolate. The shoes are kinda nice, but we’d hate to party too hard with that guy.
Air Jordan VII "Raptors"
Okay sure, the “Raptors” Air Jordan VII is a dope shoe…but the Raptors nickname has never really made much sense to us. Sure, they do look tailor made for those Toronto unis. But when these kicks actually dropped in 1992, the Raptors weren’t even an NBA franchise!
Nike KD IV "Christmas"
Aside from the red shoe laces, this colorway doesn’t exactly evoke a ton of “Christmas” memories you’d normally associate with the winter holiday. They are dope though, and definitely rank as some of KD’s most sought after models, but a more appropriate nickname could’ve certainly been used.
Nike KD VI "PB & J"
Nike’s KD line has had some crazy-dope colorways, but we just don’t get the recent KD VI “PB & J.” Sure, we understand that it’s supposed to be a throwback to KD’s favorite schoolyard lunch. And, we see jelly there. But, what kind of peanut butter is bright yellow?
Nike KD V "Christmas"
Don’t get us wrong, we’ve always loved KDs out-there special edition colorways he straps up for Christmas. But with that being said, we’ve never really understood what, exactly, makes them Christmas-themed. This particular “Christmas” edition is really more about that back story than any sort of snowy glee.
Air Jordan VIII "Peapod"
Yes, we know that the greenish hue mixed into that bright orange is technically called “pea pod” green. But how does the least-used color of a sneaker get top-billing on the nickname? How about something to do with the orange? Or better yet, navy?!
Air Jordan XII "Taxi"
Sure, we’ve seen black and white taxi cabs around the city before. But, when you hear the nickname “taxi,” doesn’t yellow automatically pop in your head? Why not Oreo? That’s the easy one, right?
LeBron IV "Birthday"
Another excellent LeBron colorway with a questionable nickname. When we think of what a shoe called “Birthday” would look like, we often think of something gold, or similar to the legendary “Fruity Pebbles” Brons. But, what amounts to a Knicks colorway? That’s a strange one.
This is another one that we’ve got to preface with some love. Every shoe that’s carried the beloved “112” colorway thus far has been nice. Especially those Air Max 1s…WHOOO. Anyway, while we know that DJ Clark Kent has said that the “112” colorway is meant as a nod to his Brooklyn upbringing, how exactly does volt and elephant print equate to Brooklyn? This is another one where we simply don’t care…we just want these in our rotation.
The “Chaos” colorway of the Nike Kobe signature line has been one of our favorites to-date. But, with the name “Chaos,” wouldn’t you expect it to be a little more chaotic? The “Chaos” Kobe V is just fire!
Air Jordan IV "Oreo"
We understand why black and white Js automatically get deemed “Oreo,” but we think it’s a bit off for the Jordan IV iteration. While there is plenty of black, the other color in the scheme is cool grey…and with speckles. Last time we checked, the delicious Oreo cream was white…and without speckles. We think a more appropriate nickname would be “Cookies & Cream.”
Nike Air Yeezy 2 "Red October"
Of course we know that the release of these neck-breaking Yeezys was complicated and delayed because of ‘Ye’s departure from Nike. But after dropping the following year in February, not October, shouldn’t they bear a different nickname? This is one that was so hyped and talked about, we don’t think the nickname will ever shake off.